Travelers and Wanderers around the Universe

Monday, November 30, 2015

How To Get Over an Ex

They say that breaking up is hard to do, but what’s really difficult is getting over the breakup. A recovery period is necessary after every failed relationship, and for some people this period seems to last for too long or to be too agonizing. 
Nowadays, getting over an ex is even more difficult because even if you don’t meet them in person anymore, you are tempted to check their Facebook page or search them online. People who have just broken up from their partner may be in a dilemma and ask themselves “Should I unfriend them or not?” Anyway, getting constant reminders of your ex on social media can be painful, while blocking or unfriending the person feels rude.  
If you too are having a hard time getting over your ex, try these tips:
  • Set clear boundaries
You need to intentionally create space between you and your ex if you want to get over the breakup sooner. For instance, stop hanging out with their friends, don’t contact them unless you have a serious reason, and avoid places you used to go to when you were together. Out of sight is out of mind.
  • Avoid reminders
If your ex’s personal effects are still around your house, it’s time to return or toss them. Seeing their toothbrush in the bathroom every day or keeping ketchup in your fridge just because he or she liked it will not help you get over the breakup. As for social media, unfollow your ex – you don’t necessarily have to unfriend them, and at least you will see less of them on your newsfeed.
  • Exercise
The best way to get over negative thoughts is physical activity. Breakup doesn’t justify spending all your time on the couch and getting out of shape. Moreover, exercising helps the body release endorphins, which makes you feel happy. You won’t believe you can feel better until you give it a try.
  • Remember you are still capable of love
Many people associate obsessing over their exes with the capacity to love. The reluctance of getting over an ex is often caused by the fear of losing love forever. However, you can make this a positive learning experience if you focus on loving yourself first and loving other people in your life. The end of a relationship is not the end of romantic love.
  • Wait for a while before starting a new relationship
Coping with the “single” status after being in a relationship is difficult, but most times it’s the best thing to do.  You don’t want your new relationship to be affected by all the bitterness that hasn’t faded away yet, and neither would you like to choose a new partner just to replace your ex. Put some order in your thoughts first and let things cool off.
  • Find other supportive people in your life
When you are involved in a relationship, you tend to spend too much time with your partner and neglect other people. When the relationship ends, you may feel disoriented because of losing the primary attachment figure in your life. This is the moment to turn to other supportive people, like parents, relatives, friends, or children. The best thing to do is to dedicate time and attention to these people when you are in a relationship too, but it’s never too late to go out with an old friend or start spending more time with your parents.
Getting over you ex is a matter of will. You need to find other people to fill the empty space in your life and to exclude your ex-partner from your life. But, as time goes by, the burden becomes lighter if you decide to give up on some weight every day.

By the Couple Clinic, a company of Winnipeg marriage therapists (www.winnipegcouplesclinic.ca).

2 travelers' comments:

Zimbabwe said...

Having been through a divorce many years ago I can only say try to stay friends. Our lawyer (yes we both had the same one) could not understand why we were getting divorced as we agreed on everything. We made our lives easy and 45 years later we are still friends though we are both remarried. Me happily so, the other half though was not as successful as me. Take care Diane

Steve Moscovitch said...

Getting over an ex can be a long hard road. I teach my patients that it is always difficult at first to adjust to a new reality, but we all overcome our obstacles.

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