I don't know if it's just a hormonal change but I am deeply in pain thinking that my eldest brother is gone, that I would never see him anymore in this world. During my late brother's wake, I kept and tried my very best not to show my emotion because I wanted to be strong for my mother, my sister in law and her kids, and for my siblings. Although deep inside my heart was bleeding and wanted to scream.
It's when we came back here that I let go of my emotion, of what I feel, and just cried it out on my husband's shoulder. It's been almost a month since he died but I am still in denial of the whole truth. Every time I think of late brother and father, I feel like a thousand knives are going in and out of my heart.
I did not know that the ride he gave me during our visit last March will be my last ride with him. Please Lord, give me strength to carry on and accept the truth that he is now with You!